Remembrance
by ExclusivelyInclusive
Summary: "I remember you." His white hair created shadows over his sunken eyes, recognition written on his face. "Then again, how could I not? Your hope is the brightest of all, to witness such hope... I feel lucky. Do you feel lucky? Hinata-kun?" Warning: Dark


**So... yeah my demented mind sort of upchucked this. Kind of what-if scenario where The Most Despair Inducing Event In Human History didn't happen, but Nagito still met Hajime and Hajime was the first one to try and understand him. Of course, Hajime would've still become Izuru, because that happened pre-despair, but the aftermath of him somehow being restored (at least partially) would've happened but in a somehow different way that I have yet to decide. Unfortunately, Nagito's Luck was still in full swing, so if you could guess what that means...**

 **Warning: Dark themes like suicide, death, mental illness and instability, as well as lots of self-deprecation.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Danganronpa. :(**

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"I remember you." His white hair created shadows over his sunken eyes, recognition written on his face with thick visible marker.

"Then again, how could I not? Your hope is the brightest of all, to witness such hope... I feel lucky. Do you feel lucky? Hinata-kun?" Grey green eyes swirled and clouded over in exhaustion as he waited for a response. None came, leaving Komeada with nothing but the sounds of his thoughts, which have been few and far between lately, and less notable than they used to be.

"I'm unworthy of hearing you speak, so don't feel like you must respond, especially to someone like me." Despite his words, Komaeda found this silence unnerving, especially as Hinata stood right in front of him, looking deep into his eyes.

"Today in art therapy I drew a dog. My eyes started leaking, isn't that funny?" Komaeda laughed. "I've also learned that I lack the ability to care about anything, isn't that odd Hinata-kun? They gave tests and I simply don't experience the emotion of compassion, no matter what devastating video they show me. Though, _clearly_ it doesn't bother me much..." His voice came out more bitter than he intended it to. He stared back into those greenish eyes, though, didn't Hinata have one red eye? A red eye... that's absurd. No, Hinata definitely has green eyes. Yes, green like the ones he was gazing into.

Or were Hinata's eyes a lighter green, more golden? "Haha, am I listening to myself? I'm looking right at you..." He felt a twinge of an emotion he hadn't felt in years. It passed quickly without a second thought.

"I've been hiding them, you know." He paused, smiling a familiar, faked smile. "What? Oh, the pills. I think they're starting to wear off but who could be sure with all my disgusting, tangled thoughts."

He laughed again, more manically, wrapping his hands in his snowy hair, as if trying to pull out his thoughts through the strands. He fell to his frail knees, spent from the overexertion. "I think I'm just going to sit here for a while." He adjusted his long legs into a position where the kneecaps and ankles that jutted out didn't ache too much with their contact against the cold floor. He rested his head on a thin, spindly hand, despite it making his fingers feel like they were being crushed by a bowling ball. The chill of the floor was eventually forgotten as he drifted out of consciousness.

When he awoke, he was alone again. Feeling the soft covers above him he figured Hinata must've carried him to bed. Hinata always too nice for his own good afterall; to carry someone so far below him, such trash, it must've been awful. Looking around the room, he came to realize just how empty it was. So much empty space... his throat felt like it was closing. He tried swallowing but it didn't quell the feeling of discomfort that knocked over him in a wave.

His head whipped toward the stark white door as someone knocked on it. "Breakfast." Women's eyes shone through the opened window on the door, before disappearing as the window shut. Lifting himself on trembling legs, he pushed himself to his feet and left the empty space behind.

Breakfast was bland, as usual. He could barely choke it down, thinking about how not hungry he was, but he knew he had to eat. Everything was bland though, considering... Just like the world, it was like he'd been looking through a pair of lenses that just made everything a different type of dull grey. Except for Hinata's eyes, those were always in color.

He was supposed to have pharmacotherapy today, which, truth be told, was just a fancy way of saying he had to take more meds for his so called trauma. Didn't they get it? He didn't care, so how was anything that has ever happened to him even considered trauma.

Pills were easy to hide anyways, he could put them in his sock, between his fingers, under his arms, amid the waistband of his pants and his hip, or anywhere else he could think of until he could properly dispose of them, like in the toilet, or crushed and down the drain. It's not like they did full body checks unless he looked suspicious. He could easily hide it though, making sure to space out his bathroom visits so they weren't right after he received medication, and only when he actually had to go. They had no clue, but why would they? He was probably smarter than every single one of them.

He returned to his bed, curling his arms around his knees and staring at the wall, waiting. His head was more jumbled than usual, more thoughts than usual. All he could think about were Hinata, the grey sky, planes, and hope.

"Hopehopehopehopehope." He repeated the word as fire formed on the wall, debris and smoke fluttering above. He needed to have hope, like Hinata, "hopehopehope..."

His room was dark, and as a pair of male eyes looked through the window, he could only stare back. "Hinata-kun." He was delighted, Hinata had come to see him again. This is why not taking his medication was necessary. Hinata came around more often. He knew that sounded ridiculous, but it was true, true true true...

"Ah geez, Komaeda's acting up again..." It came in the direction of the open window that Hinata's eyes peered through. He knew what that meant. The nurses were going to sedate him and give him those awful, awful meds that made Hinata go away, and he didn't want Hinata to leave again, he wanted, no needed-

again? Had Hinata left before? He felt a wrenching in his chest, like someone had opened it, and they were tinkering with his insides like hardware. Memories resurfaced before he could push them back down. The screaming, his parents, the funeral, planes, blood, those two lifeless eyes... Nononono, he couldn't bear to listen to himself, he sounded crazy! Hinata was right there rightthereri- he was alone. No. He wasn't- he didn't-

A lump formed in his throat as his palms began to sweat.

Hopehopehopehopehope didn't they get it? He had to cling to it or there'd be no meaning. Hinata was fine, he was always fine, he was the embodiment of hope. Hinata was the amazing person who saved him he wasn't- nononononono.

He screamed, tearing at his hair, tears pooling down his cheeks. "Take them back, the memories, I don't want them take them-" he wailed, collapsing, searching for Hinata's face as darkness clouded his sight, but he couldn't find it. Of course he couldn't find it... Hinata was dead.

No. Stop it.

He knew the truth, but it didn't stop him from seeing the heterochromic eyes staring back at him before his world became nothing but darkness.

When the darkness faded, he was alone again, though this time in the infirmary. He vaguely remembered thinking about someone, but thinking just made everything worse so he settled on looking around until a nurse entered the room. "Komaeda, you haven't been taking your medication..." She seemed tired, her sigh and the deep set bags beneath her aged eyes told him so.

He could only feel dread at the thought, he didn't need his medication because... why didn't he need his medication again?

"You're getting a dose with your IV... But you need to learn to take them on your own if you ever want to be a functioning adult..."

He was silent. He knew he was being scolded but he could not bring himself to care. He felt like something like this must've happened many times before but he couldn't exactly remember.

"Stopping your medication so drastically, who knows what side effects you could've had... You could've died. You were lucky."

Lucky... That word, it seemed important. He spoke up, his voice hoarse and almost unrecognizable to even himself, "lucky? I don't feel lucky. Do you feel lucky?" Before this overwhelming feeling of wanting nothing more than to just end it came over him.

The nurse merely sighed again before switching out the pillows and leaving the room.

Hinata... The word entered his mind and brought along so much importance and feeling with it. It made him so happy, obsessed even. He wanted Hinata, so he glanced around the room, removed his IV and any other wire connected to him, before using all the strength in his frail body to push the bedpan into the window. With that single word on his mind, he jumped to join the shattered glass as it fell through the air. Komaeda knew as he heard the frantic tapping of shoes down the tiled halls that he would be with his Hinata-kun soon.

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 **Prequel anyone? Or perhaps the guards POV?**

 **Thanks for reading... reviews, favorites, and follows are appreciated. :)**

 **(P.S. This fic is also posted on my archiveofourown account)**


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